During the third annual “Semper Five” run today in New Jersey some wannabe jihadi prematurely blew up an IED/pipe bomb killing absolutely no one. Now, as dangerous as this incident could have been I can’t help but snicker a little bit. For not only was this particular jihad a fail, but I think it entirely encapsulates what the entire global jihad movement is all about. Namely, failing miserably in the pursuit of villainous malice. Even as we just recently commemorated the anniversary of the most successful terrorist attack on US soil we have to recognize just how limited in scope was the impact of that attack. Certainly for those who lost loved ones they feel it at an exponential level, but strategically this massively successful terrorist attack killed 0.000013% percent of our population. You sought to make us afraid and instead you made us angry. Knocked down two buildings and we built a taller shinier one its place. At some point, it’s time to take a gander at the scoreboard my little jihadi friends. This just isn’t working out for you. I know you fancy yourself a suave villain from a James Bond movie, but there comes a time and place where you have to realize you’re more a Dr. Evil type of villain. And while I eagerly anticipate the next attack to include sharks with lasers on their heads, perhaps you just stay home next time.
Terrorism is Just Stupid
Terrorism can be defined as “the use of violence and threats to intimidate or coerce, especially for political purposes.” Now, I grant you the violence part as you indeed are medieval-esque violent and the threats, dear lord you have those in abundance. Every time a new terrorist tape comes out all I can hear is “ blah blah, death to America, on a mountain of skulls, in the castle of pain I sat on a throne of blood! What was will be. What is will be no more! Now is the season of evil!” Said Muqtada Al Vigo the Carpathian.
Look, we get it jihadies. You are evil, you want to kill us, and yes, sometimes you do. The only problem is that you fail to understand the latter half of the definition of terrorism. For rather than intimidate us with your violence and threats, you actually embolden us. Rather than coerce us towards your will, we send over flying pigs to brrtttt on you and impose ours. Whatever political purposes you are pursuing you are failing miserably at them. Just the worst. In fact, one of Usama Bin Laden’s chief political aims was to remove US troops from Muslim lands. Well, 15 years after 9-11 and 2.5 million US troops later how well did that work out for you? Watch this long lost terrorist tape below.
You are literally like Dr. Evil telling America to “Scotty Don’t”, but if Scotty in this scenario is America Scotty very much did. Scotty did big time and Scotty is very much doing this very moment. You neither intimidated or coerced us and you are no closer to achieving your political objectives than you were 10, 15, or 20 years ago. Terrorism does not work against America and its just getting annoying at this point. Your biggest hits, while tragic, are but the bite of a sand flea on the face of America. Trying to kill Marine Veterans, of all people, while our current Marine brothers are making it rain death on you in your own land is just futile. Scoreboard jihadies because this is getting old. Time to pull a Colin Kaepernick and just take a knee.
The Future of the Middle East
Lastly, I’ll just offer this little tidbit of information. America is going to care less and less about the Middle East as oil from those lands plays a lesser role. America is relatively on track to become energy independent thanks to shale and fracking. Granted, it’s causing our drinking water to light on fire in some places but even that seems like a lesser evil than dealing with people averse to modernity. Then if you add the technological trends towards renewable energy we will seriously not care what you do with your lands and we will in fact leave. Personally, I’m starting to think America is just trashing the Middle East right now like its our last night in an apartment with a prick for a landlord. Keep the deposit, we don’t care because punching holes in your walls and peeing on the carpet is worth it. And if you think I am exaggerating 2.5 million US troops have literally pissed on your lands via the piss tubes below.
It’s time for Muslims to have the civil war they need to have between modernity and fundamentalism. You guys fight it out and if what emerges is a friendly Muslim State with whom we can do business then great. But if what emerges is a Taliban-like state then so be it as well. America is planning to mix it up with much bigger foes than you in the next 30 years. We have big boy business to attend to and no longer the time or inclination to bother with lesser matters. Arming the moderates of today so that they can become the extremist of tomorrow seems like a poor strategy and I’d rather we just re-introduced the shock awe after every terrorist attack and went home.
It’s getting old terrorist it really is and with the given definition of terrorism, I hate to be the first one to tell you that you don’t seem very good at your craft. Yes, you can kill people, but you are no closer to accomplishing a political objective today than you were on September 10th, 2001. If your objective was to cause Muslim heaven to start rationing virgins because the US Marine Corps drastically increased your census, then you nailed that one. Terrorism is just silly at this point. But if you honestly believe putting poorly made explosives in a trash can in an attempt to intimidate US Marine Veterans is the path to victory, then I have some sharks with freaking lasers on their heads I want to sell you.
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