The Marine Corps Ball, 2003 was actually the last time I ever put on the uniform. I would post the picture, but the girl I went with is not my wife and I do my best to keep the peace at home. Plus that girl completely hated me by the time we broke up and she might sue me just for the fun of it were I to use that picture. Never blog about a woman scorned seems likes good advice. But having just returned from Iraq the month before, my contract was up and donning the Dress Blues with my newly earned ribbons and medals seemed like a fitting end. Now, you are likely aware that a young Marine scored a date with UFC knockout babe Rhonda Rousey by posting a video on social media asking her to be his date. This has kind of become a trend lately with a year or so ago, Milas Kunis and Justin Timberlake getting asked to the ball. This year it seems to be running rampant with Rhonda Rousey of course, a female Marine asking Marine Medal of Honor recipient Kyle Carpenter, and then the most unusual video I saw today of a male Marine asking Terminal Lance creator and Marine Veteran Max Uriarte to the ball. Now as fascinating as that might be, I thought I would take the opportunity to break it down Barney style for all of America to digest the good, the bad, and the ugly of Marines Balls and Celebrities.
The Marine Corps ball is a tradition steeped in history and heritage and I honestly think that it would be a service to this nation if all were able to sit down and watch one take place. Just don’t stay too late America, because it does tend to get a little debaucherous towards the end and there are just some things America doesn’t need to see its Marines doing in full Dress Blues. But until then, stick around and watch. For the Marines are elite because they not only fight for the Marine beside them in combat, but they fight for the reputation of the Marine Corps itself. I have written before that when I was in Iraq, I was keenly aware of Marine Corps history and while I wasn’t the most astute infantryman in all the Corps, the hard-earned reputation was not going to die with me if I had a say. So I did my job with history in mind as much as anything.
So yes, were famous celebrities to witness such an event as the Marine Ball, I think it could only help bring awareness to our beloved Corps and military tradition. I have always wished the world could have a better understanding of our history and traditions. Then for the Marines who are scoring these celebrity dates, it is clearly a win. For in no other universe would these Marines be able to secure such a date and this is without a doubt, the experience of a lifetime. But honestly, it is kind of like survival of fittest and if you didn’t get your video in early, just give up and quit harassing people to share your video as these videos are basically celeb Marine Corps Ball Thunderdome. Two videos enter the internet and only one survives. Kudos to the Marine who jumped out early on this.
I think we can also go ahead and admit that these Marines don’t stand so much as a chance at interlocking fingers during a hand hold much less, a chance to, well, you know. But you know they think they got a chance because they are males and more specifically Marines. Somewhere in the back of their minds is this notion of the celeb being dazzled by the Dress Blues and perhaps scoring a smooch. And while the date is sure to be the date of a lifetime, these young Marines are sure to be carrying a pair of something blue back to the barracks with them. That being said, I never wound up staying with any of the girls I took to the Marine Balls over six years. And being the happily married man that I am, I don’t miss those girls at all. But I do miss my fellow Marines.
You see, after my last ball in 2003, I went out with the girl I was dating at the time on my own and the rest of the Marines without a date, and many who ditched their dates hit up historic Beale Street in Memphis, TN for an evening out on the town. And here I am 13 years later wishing I would have ditched my date and had one last outing with Kilo Company. So yes, these Marines scoring dates with celebrities are getting what is sure to be an ultra platonic high profile date. But you might consider whether or not you will be wasting one of the last events with your beloved Marines brothers looking like Jim Carey from Dumb and Dumber above. Still though, it is a cool thing to score the date if they had such a thing as social media when I was in, perhaps I would have tried to score a date with Shakira. But consider the bad with the good as you calculate the odds of love Marines. And if you do score a celebrity date, please don’t tell her everyone usually goes back to the Barracks to watch Netflix and chill after the ball. Be a gentleman and keep it classy. Definitely for the guy going with Rousey because she could kick his butt.
I think the ugly part of this whole celebrity Marine Corps Ball trend is that it will likely go on a year or two longer than it is still funny. The male Marine who asked Terminal Lance to the ball was quite funny and would have been funnier if I didn’t have to watch him lay spread eagle the whole time in Silkies. It was just nasty. Besides, dude is a POG and I was sure if Max ever went with a man it would totally be a Grunt. But as the Marines start to innovate this schtick, it won’t be long before celebrities start booking work and long vacations during the months of November and December as alibis. Because as patriotic as some of these celebs might be, I am guessing getting publicly hounded by pimple faced 19-year-olds for a date can have its downsides and it would be embarrassing for the Corps to cause every celeb to wash their hair for the entire month of November.
Then, of course, it is only a matter of time before some Marine asks some 16-year-old actress and we are now involved in a legal problem and NJP. So while I think this is a cool trend and it might live on for a couple more years, I fear it will carry on a season too long. However, to the Marines of the future, all I am saying is to watch the social trends and when this one is over, know how to drop it and leave it cool like Fonzie. For if you are that very last Marine to take this one year too far, I fear the internet will not be a kind place for you. But you don’t have to listen to anyone on the internet, so then again, do what you want. Semper Fi brothers and if anyone gets video of Rhonda Rousey knocking out her Marine date, please post it. Very well then, carry on with the plan of the day and Go Like the Unprecedented Mediocrity page on Facebook! Do it now!