Let me be explicit on the front end. Nurse Kaci Hickox is a hero in my mind. She is the nurse all over the news who treated Ebola patients. You will see why she is in the news later. Honestly, any of these medical professionals from the West, that knowingly give up the comforts of home to go and treat Ebola in Africa are heroes in my book. They know as medical professionals full well the risk that they are taking, yet they do it anyway. As I stated in my article, Ebola: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, it will be people like this that we have to rely on should Ebola ever take hold in America. Namely, medical professionals willing to risk it all to save us. So I thank you Ms. Hickox.
If you have been paying attention to the news lately, you will have noticed that New Jersey, New York, and potentially now Maine are looking to enforce mandatory quarantines on medical professionals returning from Africa whom have treated Ebola patients. 21 days seems to be the time frame that we are looking at here. If you make it past 21 days with no symptoms, the science tells us that all is well, you can come out and play.
In walks hero Kaci Hickox. She is not a fan of this quarantine policy. She was most recently confined to a plastic quarantine tent in New Jersey. However, after much maligning and legal threats, she was finally allowed to return home to Maine. Maine consequently, asked her to remain at home for the 21 day incubation period to which she now states she will refuse to abide by the voluntary quarantine conditions to which I now dub her henceforth, The Most Selfish Hero You Will Ever Meet.
Ms. Hickox and others seem to indicate that the science is on their side. To be honest, I don’t disagree. It would appear that Ebola is not easily transferred as you have to come into contact with the bodily fluids at a time when they are showing symptoms. This is great news! But let’s talk about bodily fluids.
I was sitting in a doctor office one day many years ago, when an older gentleman walked past me. Normally I wouldn’t take notice, but this man you see was farting the entire time he was walking. He was doing a quick shuffle to the bathroom sounding like a go cart and I am pretty certain that before he entered the bathroom door we were entering “shart” territory. I am not going to explain the shart to you, but feel free to google it. Just don’t use google images.
Anyone ever talked to a spitter? You know what I am talking about. Those people who seem to have the propensity to spit when they talk. In fact, I think we have all done it. You know the feeling when you are talking and you realize a little spit has hopped out on to your lip. You know its there, but if you wipe your lip with your hand or lick your lip, you might be busted. For it seems the best way to recover from that social slip up is to act like it didn’t happen. Anyone ever been spit on by a spitter!
Lastly let’s discuss chunk. You and I know him as the lovable purveyor of the truffle shuffle from the movie Goonies. I remember the scene when he has been captured by the Fratelli gang and they are grilling him to talk. Eventually he confesses that one time he used fake throw up at a movie theatre that then caused someone else to actually throw that then led to a chain reaction of throwing up all over each other. Anyone ever smelled throw up that made them instantly want to throw up themselves?
So hear is the thing Ms. Hickox, bodily fluids have a way of getting out beyond our control. It happens all the time. In fact, at my daughter’s swim lessons just this Monday, a kid threw up in the pool. It was gross. But be it puke, spit, sharts, or piss, sometimes when you gotta do it, you gotta do it. Whereas you seem to be a qualified hero, to be perfectly honest, I simply don’t know if you’re a spitter or not.
On twitter, this particular graphic was floating around trying to calm fears about the New York doctor who traveled on the subway having Ebola. The last line about whether you licked the pole was supposed to be sarcastic to which I would like to introduce you to my 2 year old daughter. Sarcasm ceases and reality begins because honestly, she just might put her face on that pole and who knows whether she licks it. Any parents ever seen a kid drop a pacifier on the floor and then put it back in their mouth?
Look, lady, America is a little afraid right now. Not all of us are Scientist and the internet is flooding with Ebola misinformation right now. People are a little scared. Can you stay at home for 3 weeks and help us get past this initial phase of fear. I trust in the Science, I really do. But I also know that this nurse or anyone else can’t guarantee me freedom from their bodily fluids. Take a look at the picture below. I’ll pay for the Netflix subscription, I really will.
I am glad they didn’t keep her in the E.T. style quarantine tent. That might be a bit much. But if this Nurse truly, in the face of all America’s fears right now, can’t stay at home and catch up on House of Cards for a few weeks, then that is just selfish. Incredibly Selfish. Be an example for America to calm our fears. Don’t grandstand about your rights. For I tell you this, if some 2 year old kid licks the doorknob you just touched after your first Ebola sneeze, then that is on you. You’re a Hero, Kaci. Act like it. I’ll order you Papa John’s tonight. Just tell me what toppings you like. I am not trying to invoke fear, but rather a calm and rational response. We have nothing to fear, that is until people give us something to fear. Help America invoke confidence in our ability to respond, not our ability to worry whether or not you are a spitter.
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