To be clear, I am not advocating for violence against the douche of a man who raised the price of a life-saving drug from $13 a pill to $750. That would be illegal and wrong of me to do so. Rather, I am merely reinforcing the commentary as seen on some popular memes that if we brought back dueling, people would be a lot less offended and in the case of Shkreli, a lot less offensive. We have sadly come to live in an age where a man has an unreasonably high expectation that he will never be punched in the face for his actions and I am of the opinion that it produces men like Shkreli who smirk and smile during a congressional inquiry over drug prices. And while it is certainly his right to plead the fifth, this sum of this man’s public actions has led me to wish that Americans had the right to walk over, slap that smirk off his face with a glove, and challenge him to a good old fashioned first guy to get shot loses, duel.
A Tale of Two Capitalist
To be clear, I love me some capitalism because I believe it works as evidenced by the breadth of human history. It has created more wealth for more people than any system known to man. And yes, it doesn’t always function as it should for a variety of reasons, but what Shkreli did shouldn’t have been possible in a true market economy. I didn’t say it should be illegal, I said it shouldn’t be possible because competition ought to have driven down the price. In fact, that is actually what happened of sorts when a rival pharmaceutical company came in said they will make a version of the pill that sells for $0.99 cents. The CEO of that company said it’s not charity, because even at that price their product will make a healthy profit. Both men were capitalist, one made a life-saving drug affordable at a profit advancing mankind and the market while the other just made himself out to be a complete prick. Take a look at the below video of Margaret Thatcher defending capitalism. If only we could have parliament style debates in Congress I might actually watch C-SPAN.
You see, the problem is that men like Shkreli give rise to the ranks of those who feel the Bern. Bernie Sanders is popular because real problems do exist in our society that are currently not being addressed. And if the problem gets big enough, the public will always vote in the politician who promises them a solution. Hungry people with a gun don’t starve to death while a bullet is still in the chamber and desperate people don’t suffer with a vote still left in their pocket. That is where I think Republicans shoot themselves in the foot as they claim to just let the market sort it out without realizing America will turn to a socialist who promises them solutions while they wait. Men like Martin Shkreli become the poster boy for anti-capitalist sentiment all because he wants to be a dick about his wealth and make a 5,000% profit off persons with HIV and Cancer. And since I can’t get rid of my beloved capitalism, letting America challenge Shkreli to a duel seems like the only reasonable alternative.
A Return to Dueling
Why not bring back dueling? Andrew Jackson killed a man in a duel and he became President. Former Vice-President Aaron Burr killed the Secretary of the Treasury Alexander Hamilton. Dueling is Presidential people, come to terms with it. No one is obligated to a duel, but when you realize it is a potential outcome a person tends to choose their words more carefully now don’t they. Watching Shkreli smirk and scoff at congressional questioning just infuriated me. It wasn’t enough that the man had threatened the lives of sick patients with his price gouging and helped give rise to people like Bernie, but this dude actually had me empathizing with Congress. No one makes me like Congress and gets away with it, so I’ll see you at noon because my hypocrisy only goes so far.
I realize I might be going too far with my hopes for a return to dueling, but it doesn’t have to be life threatening. After all, today is Throat Punch Thursday and as the good people at Gruntworks remind us, sometimes violence is indeed the answer. Shkreli scoffs because he knows he will not be punched and that enables a sort of man to act far beyond his ability to back it up. Look, I’m not the toughest Marine in the World. I know we all like to fancy ourselves the Warrior along the lines of Medal of Honor recipient Dakota Myer, but comparatively, I’m probably more Dakota Fanning.
But I can hold my own in an average fight with the ability to win some and lose some, which means I don’t run my mouth to the wrong person. Shkreli clearly was not punched enough in life and his entitlement is just sickening. Men like Shkreli wouldn’t exist in the age of dueling because he would either be dead or simply a better man. So take this article as a verbal slap across the face sir and how about you become a better man before you for real get Bernie Sanders elected. If that happens, then its paces and flintlocks for you and me mister.
If You Don’t Like My Facebook Page Below I will Challenge You to a Duel of Wit!
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