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Men Like Martin Shkreli Wouldn’t Exist in the Age of Dueling

Shkreli Congress

To be clear, I am not advocating for violence against the douche of a man who raised the price of a life-saving drug from $13 a pill to $750.  That would be illegal and wrong of me to do so.  Rather, I am merely reinforcing the commentary as seen on some popular memes that if we brought back dueling, people would be a lot less offended and in the case of Shkreli, a lot less offensive.  We have sadly come to live in an age where a man has an unreasonably high expectation that he will never be punched in the face for his actions and I am of the opinion that it produces men like Shkreli who smirk and smile during a congressional inquiry over drug prices.  And while it is certainly his right to plead the fifth, this sum of this man’s public actions has led me to wish that Americans had the right to walk over, slap that smirk off his face with a glove, and challenge him to a good old fashioned first guy to get shot loses, duel.

A Tale of Two Capitalist

To be clear, I love me some capitalism because I believe it works as evidenced by the breadth of human history. It has created more wealth for more people than any system known to man.  And yes, it doesn’t always function as it should for a variety of reasons, but what Shkreli did shouldn’t have been possible in a true market economy. I didn’t say it should be illegal, I said it shouldn’t be possible because competition ought to have driven down the price.  In fact, that is actually what happened of sorts when a rival pharmaceutical company came in said they will make a version of the pill that sells for $0.99 cents.  The CEO of that company said it’s not charity, because even at that price their product will make a healthy profit.  Both men were capitalist, one made a life-saving drug affordable at a profit advancing mankind and the market while the other just made himself out to be a complete prick.  Take a look at the below video of Margaret Thatcher defending capitalism.  If only we could have parliament style debates in Congress I might actually watch C-SPAN.

You see, the problem is that men like Shkreli give rise to the ranks of those who feel the Bern.  Bernie Sanders is popular because real problems do exist in our society that are currently not being addressed.  And if the problem gets big enough, the public will always vote in the politician who promises them a solution.  Hungry people with a gun don’t starve to death while a bullet is still in the chamber and desperate people don’t suffer with a vote still left in their pocket.  That is where I think Republicans shoot themselves in the foot as they claim to just let the market sort it out without realizing America will turn to a socialist who promises them solutions while they wait.  Men like Martin Shkreli become the poster boy for anti-capitalist sentiment all because he wants to be a dick about his wealth and make a 5,000% profit off persons with HIV and Cancer. And since I can’t get rid of my beloved capitalism, letting America challenge Shkreli to a duel seems like the only reasonable alternative.

A Return to Dueling

Why not bring back dueling?  Andrew Jackson killed a man in a duel and he became President.  Former Vice-President Aaron Burr killed the Secretary of the Treasury Alexander Hamilton.  Dueling is Presidential people, come to terms with it.  No one is obligated to a duel, but when you realize it is a potential outcome a person tends to choose their words more carefully now don’t they.  Watching Shkreli smirk and scoff at congressional questioning just infuriated me.  It wasn’t enough that the man had threatened the lives of sick patients with his price gouging and helped give rise to people like Bernie, but this dude actually had me empathizing with Congress.  No one makes me like Congress and gets away with it, so I’ll see you at noon because my hypocrisy only goes so far.

Tombstone_Doc_Holliday_Whiskey_Cup_03

I realize I might be going too far with my hopes for a return to dueling, but it doesn’t have to be life threatening.  After all, today is Throat Punch Thursday and as the good people at Gruntworks remind us, sometimes violence is indeed the answer.  Shkreli scoffs because he knows he will not be punched and that enables a sort of man to act far beyond his ability to back it up.  Look, I’m not the toughest Marine in the World.  I know we all like to fancy ourselves the Warrior along the lines of Medal of Honor recipient Dakota Myer, but comparatively, I’m probably more Dakota Fanning.

Violence is the Answer

But I can hold my own in an average fight with the ability to win some and lose some, which means I don’t run my mouth to the wrong person.  Shkreli clearly was not punched enough in life and his entitlement is just sickening.  Men like Shkreli wouldn’t exist in the age of dueling because he would either be dead or simply a better man.  So take this article as a verbal slap across the face sir and how about you become a better man before you for real get Bernie Sanders elected. If that happens, then its paces and flintlocks for you and me mister.

If You Don’t Like My Facebook Page Below I will Challenge You to a Duel of Wit!

Jeff Edwards

7 Comments

  1. Our politics don’t always match but I appreciate your writing and most always think you’re spot on! Keep up the great work.

  2. I did watch the brief hearing this morning and I didn’t see too much of a difference between this punk and john koskinen or lois lerner. It’s becoming more the norm then the exception. Dueling may be a start, but public hanging may not be far behind. When the government takes action against it’s own people because they do not worship the king of amerika, an awakening is necessary…

  3. Greetings from across the pond. Great article as usual. That guy Shkreli has definitely got the kind of face you could never only punch once. I think you were extremely restrained in only calling him a douche by the way. It was nice to see that video of Margaret Thatcher handing those idiots their arses on a plate. The first one was a hand wringing, limp wristed ( he burst out of the closet years later ) member of the Liberal Democrat Party called Simon Hughes, a total prick. The other guy I don’t know his name but, as he was sitting on what is called ” the opposition benches ” he was either a member of the Labour Party ( Socialists ) which was virtually controlled by the unions ( that in turn, were mainly controlled by Moscow ) that Maggie had taken on and beat the crap out of, thank fcuk, or the same party as the other wet excuse for a human being. She had bigger cojones than most of the so-called men in the House of Commons ( the seat of government in the UK ). Unfortunately the standard of debate has dropped to the level of a primary school ( 5-11 year olds ) playground. As you mentioned dueling, an interesting fact, well I hope it’s true, is that the two red lines on the floor in front of the benches on both sides of the chamber ( you can just about see them under the feet of the MPs opposite Maggie ) are just over two sword lengths apart. An MP may not cross these lines, and so they cannot stab each other.

    • I love the fact that they had to draw lines to keep them from killing one another. I’ve always envied the Parliment debate approach. I’ve spent hours watching highlights of that stuff. When congress debates here in America there is literally almost no one else in the room and they are just talking to have it on record.

  4. Great article. Something that occurs to me though… For a duel to have any value, the Offender and the Offended must both be honorable men, and society must value honor as a high virtue. If an honorable man is challenged to a duel, he must either accept the challenge, apologize and accept responsibility for giving offense, or refuse and admit his cowardice. Our society is nearly void of any virtue that would make Code Duello worthwhile. Most of these asshats would just refuse, admit their cowardice, and then go on the news about how they are against violence. Everyone would praise them for being such a pacifist, and they would get elected to congress or the Whitehouse. If we modified the traditional ceremonial rules, it might work. We could change it to something like this: ”Ok Idiot, I have had enough of your crap, and am challenging you to a duel. (Slap him with your glove, removing the glove from your hand would be optional). In three seconds I will start shooting, or when you have ran three steps away, which ever happens first. Prepare to defend yourself… 3…2..1..”

  5. @Chris Butler Yes that would have been awesome, no…Epic! I could see it. Mr. Gowdy calmly stands, walks around the seats and slaps the living shit out of that feckless, little punk. I wonder how long he’d last in prison?

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