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To the First Female Infantry Marines from this Nobody Grunt

female infantry marines

For the first time, 3 women will join 1st Battalion 8th Marines as grunts and there is simply a few things they must know before finishing this adventure.  First thing’s first ladies, I want you to know that I am proud of you.  Not only did you step on the famed yellow footprints and earn the title of United States Marine, but you willingly chose to join the elite of our service.  I mean, who wants to be a POG am I right?  It truly is a sign of your own personal mental fortitude and even if no grunts will clap for you, this one will.  But, I think we need to have a quick chat before you get too far down this road.  Because there are some hard days a coming and a few concepts you might need to get your mind around now.  I do not personally think women in the infantry has been or is now a good idea.  But if you gotta be there, we might as well talk about the obvious.

Let’s Talk about Grunt Life

So apparently there are three women who volunteered for the infantry and respective MOS is 0311, 0331, and 0341.  And instantly, Marines everywhere just spit out their whiskey in disbelief.  For you non-devil dogs out there, those numbers correspond to jobs and they are 0311 Rifleman, 0331 Machine Gunner, and 0341 Mortar Man.  That’s right, two out of three of the first women to hit the infantry volunteered to carry machine guns and mortar plates for a living and that’s just plain stupid.  And not the rap kind of stupid either, just stupid.

What the hell were you thinking ladies, and who is the recruiter who royally screwed you over?  You are about to undergo the most grueling lifestyle a woman could voluntarily choose and your recruiter was all like, “oh hey, let’s throw a mortar plate on your back.”  I have never in my life been so glad to be a rifleman than when I watch you 0331s and 0341s carrying that heavy junk on a 10 mile hump.  Now I realize that if you are in fact in the fleet you must have realized this in School of Infantry already.  But you just committed to a lifestyle of this with grunts who are not going to tolerate those who can’t keep up.  Grunts don’t like those that can’t pull their weight regardless of their genitalia.

That’s what people don’t realize about the infantry.  It’s not a woman hating boy club.  We actually like the ladies and like them a lot, but more on that in a minute.  It’s a can do club.  It’s a meritocracy.  It’s for those who can handle grunt life and those who can’t simply place higher burdens on the rest.  Ladies if you start dropping out of humps because your 240 golf or mortar plate is bearing down on your grunt bros are going to be pissed.  When your team has to carry it longer and further because you can’t you just royally screwed up your opportunity.  Give me a Lightweight Magazine Fed Gas Operated Air Cooled Shoulder Fired Weapon any day my friends.

Let’s Talk About Sex

Now for those who are claiming I’m sexist for saying a female can’t hump a mortar plate, chill out.  I’m just saying the science tells us the male and female body structure is different.  Humping is hard for a male Marine, but the science tells us humping is likely to be harder for a female.  0331?  0341? Please!  But long forced marches is not the only type of humping that takes place in the Marines so let’s talk about the birds and the bees.  Side note, any Marine who would put his hands on these women against their wishes is a piece of trash rapist.  Take nothing I say to justify your deviancy.  Moving on.

Ignoring the biologically obvious will be a disaster and introducing the erotic element into the grunt platoon is just going to be plain weird.  I really don’t know how else to even say it.  The truth is that teens like to do it, and your average Marine Grunt is only about a semester or two removed from being a horny high school kid.  Ladies most, if not all, of your platoon is going to want to do it with you.  And being fair, you might want to do it back with them.  This experiment could very well turn into a cornucopia of who wants to do who.  Marine Infantry platoons simply don’t have a precedent.  Plus, what happens the first time some naked dude’s picture is placed up on the HOG board?  It’s just going to be weird and I’m sorry ladies.  If you don’t believe me, just ask your 0331 buddy first time he lays on top of you and straddles his leg over to increase your firing support.  Seriously, 0331s I never got that.

The point is, you can rightly demand that every member of your platoon keep his erections to himself.  But if you want to ask a teenage Marine not to get an erection, well, I don’t know how that happens. If you want to ask Marines to speak respectfully about women around you then you certainly can.  But I’ve never heard a field conversation in my life that didn’t instantly devolve into a conversation about boobs and other stuff.  Literally, It could start out about periodic table of elements and before you get to the atomic weight of Thallium it’s going to be about sex.  It’s going to be weird ladies, very weird.  Marines grunts spent the sum of our existence with the reasonable certainty that no one in the platoon wanted to have sex with each other.  That’s out that window now and I’ll say again, it’s going to be weird.

In Conclusion

Future Secretary of Defense Mattis has said multiple times that he didn’t think integrating women into the infantry was a good idea.  I agree with him for multiple reasons that are not sexist.  Just practical matters of biology from the obvious differences in the female body’s strength to the obvious biological desire to do it.  Everyone likes to do it.  Civilians like to do it, POGs like to do it, and yes your fellow Grunts are going to want to do it.  It’s just biology.

But I’ll leave you with this ladies.  If any Marine touches you without your permission you roast them publicly.  Understanding it’s going to be weird places you under no obligation to keep assault under wraps if it happens regardless of what any Marine in your command tells you.  Just know that when a fellow member of your platoon invites you over to his fighting hole to do fire watch and chill, the biology hasn’t gone away because the President made you a Grunt.

I’m proud of you ladies for you made it even when I would have preferred that you never be there.  I can’t wait for the first time you get to look a male motor T guy in the face and call him a POG.  Really, it’s going to be great.  But to the recruiter of the 0331 and 0341, you guys are just wrong.  I mean just wrong.  Happy humping ladies and welcome to the infantry.

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Jeff Edwards

18 Comments

  1. Love your posts. But, don’t blame it on the recruiter. Unless things have changed since I retired 16 years ago, you were enlisted under 0300, the actual individual mos was given to you once you got to ITS/SOI. Keep on posting. Semper Fi.

  2. Great point. Its been 20 years for me, so I may have just forgotten that. This is the author by the way, just not logged in.

  3. Everything you said is true. What is sexist is that you felt the need to say it. You’re no Marine – you’re a little cry baby afraid someone else is not just as capable as you, but is a better person than you.

    • Just a personal blog. About stuff. I share my thoughts on life and its just how I roll. But i’d argue truth is always worth saying in a world where truth has become some ambiguous. If you agree it’s true, then it needed to be said.

    • You are an idiot. It’s his blog and personal opinion. I happen to agree with him.

      I am retired army and never thought combat arms was the best place for women just due to the nature of the job. I felt and still feel it will interfere with the mission too much. To be specific you are in a combat zone on your period – where do you change, get supplies, etc – mission doesn’t stop because you have cramps.

      You can’t keep up you will piss off the guys. If guys can’t keep up they get rid of them – if girls can’t keep up I am afraid excuses will be made just to keep them in combat arms jobs – God forbid that the “project” fail. And for all those congress women pushing for it – get your ass out there and do it.

      Plenty of jobs in the military for women to fill. I loved my job and the army.

    • Dude, he was pretty nice about it, and everything he said was true. I was Infantry for 9 years, and I weighed 130 for most of that time at 5 foot 8. I was a gunner for the m60, saw, and Dragon- I never fell out of a road march, but it was painful. Infantry has no time to wait for you to catch up. People understand your gear is heavy but no one has any pity for you. There are not that many women out there who can carry a hundred pound ruck while being less than 130 (which is pretty big for most women). They need to be told, because the infantry is the tightest group, they will literally die for you, but you have got to earn it. You can be a total lunk-head in garrison, but if you know your field craft, and can hump, you get respect.
      There is also the fact that they are going to physically test you, every infantry unit does and they should. No one respects your basic training PT, and you will get mashed up. That is the problem with the women in the infantry- the civilians that made that decision do not know that. Your real training starts at your unit. When I started they gave me the 60, my tripod, steel wire, and simulated mortar rounds, in addition to the standard gear, just to see if I would complain. I was slow but I made it. The units the female marines go to are going to do the same, and if they think getting through basic and their school was the end accomplishment they are getting setup for failure. Civilians think that is when you are done with all the molding, but it is just the point where you are ready to start the hard shit, and from what I read the female marines barely got through. In short, he is just telling the truth in a very grunt way.

  4. “science tells us the male and female body structure is different” True. Does it follow that standardizing a force’s capabilities on ability to carry a load is desirable strategy? Can women be useful in battle? Undoubtedly. Look to the Peshmerga. What woman would want to risk her life serving in a unit that can’t come up with anything better than boilerplate strategy where all soldiers are deployed as thought they were exactly the same? So, if there is not that flexibility in forming units, then create an all-woman unit and let women fight like women.

  5. The one important point that was left out is the monthly period. You are a member of an a fire team, a squad, a plt. Every MAN is counted on to do their assigned job. If you drop out because its your time of the month, your unit suffers. I congratulate you on earning your Eagle Globe & Anchor and would like to welcome you to the Corps. But, what you went through at P.I. I know was difficult but what you will go through in Combat will make P.I. seem like daycare. I am a retired Marine who served 24 years in our Corps with 3 tours in Viet Nam as a Recon Marine. I don’t care what that moran in the WH or that lame dick Sec Def told the military but you got screwed.

    • As a female, I have to point out that periods can be no problem in the field. I hear way tok many men ise that as an excuse to why we shouldnt be out there. With certian birth control we stop getting periods all together as well as the symptoms that come with it. So problem solved. Personally I dont see many females that can handle the lifestyle and by that i mean the physical and mental capacity it takes in those MOSs, but I also know many that are more than capable to deal with it all. If you’ve been around Marines enough then you already know what to expect. Working besides them and living with them is no different. I say if these women are up for this task then so be it and one can only hope they do not disappoint. Its one thing for us to be out there and another for us to do just as well if not better than some of the men.

  6. Well, what do I know. I would have loved to have had some chicks in the field when I was a young Marine. But when they can’t pull their weight you are going to see the same hate and discontent the guys get when they can’t hack it. You know, that stuff is more powerful than the Force. It topples governments and changes world geography. BUT, it doesn’t do well when forced to carry 240s and mortar tubes.

  7. I wonder why these comments were made only to women who have already proven themselves to be as fit as their male counterparts with the same experience , women who bested other males who couldn’t even get that far along. A shame they will have to fight nearly every male Marine’s attitude and blatant sexism instead of America’s enemies.

  8. I agree with your post, but one thing you have wrong. The recruiter didn’t screw these females over, these females are from the original test groups they had before they even allowed females into infantry. These 3 are 3 of the Marines that passed previously and their infantry MOS was made their secondary MOS which could be activated once they started allowing females into infantry. The first females who actually went in with infantry contracts haven’t been through ITB yet.

  9. Im artillery, we are pretty much infantry (dont get mad grunts), pretty sure Artillery does ITB now but maybe not for a few more months or something, anyway, when I went through MCT I noticed right off the bat that the females simply couldnt keep up on hikes, we had 4 squads, 2nd was all female, 20 to be exact, every hike. Even ones that werent even an official hike, just a movement to a riflerange with APacks and rifle the 2nd squad became non existant, hell some would fallout on the way to the chow hall, the ONLY one that didnt was the females IRONMAN(err women) from bootcamp who seemed pretty motivated, SHE can be infantry or artillery, but 1 in 20 isnt great odds, only 0.4% of americans are in the military, so like less than 1 in 200? Thats males and females included across branches, god knows what percentage of the military are arty and inf, a quick google search showed the army is 15% infantry, we all know that army and marines are the only ones you are going to find actual infantry, idk what percent is arty, but just imagine those numbers, 1 out of 1500 would be if every branch was 15% infantry, so we are probably looking at a bullshit extimate of 1 out of 7500 question mark, someone do the math im arty damnet, anyway, now imagine a female who is WILLING too join the forces, now factor that too ones willing to be infantry, then factor that to those thatbare capable and pass you get some bullshit number of probably 1/100,000 americans can call themselves infantry female lol, i guess we wont know til it happens, and just because they make it doesnt mean they should have, this ironwomen litterally was 100% capable, the others were not, but this was also just mct, wait for itbs longer harder hikes, she could probably still do it tho

  10. Why has a male corpsman having to give a female a silver bullet not been mentioned?

  11. I’m female, I’m a Marine, and I believe females in any combat MOS is not a good idea. 1) Some females may be able to handle it, but not for long. Our hips are built wider than males for birthing, therefore the weight on our backs causes our hip bones to flex in and down causingredients them to fracture or breath over time…whereas males have less wide hips allowing the weight to be evenly vertically displaced. Fact. 2) A woman gets shot in the legas and a male gets shot in the head…pick one. Her counterparts will instinctively choose her in battle because they’re running off instinct. And saving the woman is natural male instinct. Don’t mess with nature. 3) The Countries that we are currently occupying do not believe in equality. If they see a woman in one patrol and all men in another, who do you think they’re going to target and why? You just explained it for me. Hey, I’m all for females in the military, obviously, you need us…but there are plenty of other MOS’ we can do that don’t require us to break ourselves or anyone else around us. We’re not weak, we’re just built for other things.

  12. Not to mention he’s right about the sex, he just put it nicely. To put it in perspective, say the deployment is 9 month to a year. All male infantry FOB with exception to those three females. Before sex wasn’t a very plausible option for most…now it is and it’s very real. I’m not saying they’re bad people, I’m just saying when sex is in the mix, people don’t think straight. And that’s just natural instinct. Male and female. Think on that.

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