Oh California, that is just precious. So precious I included one of your native sons laughing in your face as the cover photo. No seriously, I have laughed my butt off all day upon hearing the news that California liberals could now start collecting signatures to submit a petition to secede from the Union. Specifically they are petitioning to change the California constitution so that it no longer declares California an “inseparable part of the United States” and that the constitution is no longer the “supreme law of the land.” Precious, just precious. It’s so cute when millennials get angry, isn’t it? For it would seem that with the election of Trump, California is now gunning for a Calexit. Never mind that we settled this whole secession business back in 1865 and never mind that there is no legal path in the United States for this to happen should the measure even pass. Let’s just get right down to the hilarious brass tacks about it. California, if you want to leave the Union you are going to have to fight for it. And with tears of laughter in my eyes I ask, tears, you and what Army? Actors are not real fighters darling.
This Ain’t 1861 Sweetheart
After the election of Abraham Lincoln, the southern states feared the man would end one of their most valuable trades. Now, hailing from the south myself you might think I’m the type of man who would argue the Civil War was about State’s rights and not slavery. But here’s the thing. If you were to argue blindly to me that states should have more rights and the federal government ought not interfere I’d enthusiastically support you and then say, “great, so what does our state want to do?” But when you respond with, “enslave generations of people for the color of the skin and force them to do labor from the moment they are born until death while we own them as property,” I’m going to give you this look.
I’m a southern white male, and I’m here to tell you the Civil War was about slavery. It was about the south’s desire to keep it and the North’s desire to abolish it. Brothers fought about it, the North won and end of story. And for over 150 years it was definitely declared that the United States of America was indeed the Hotel California. You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave.
But the South did put up a pretty good fight about it. Because in 1861, the military was more oriented towards state militias and regional fighting forces. I mean, just look at the names of the units we know from history. The 54th Massachusetts, 1st North Carolina Calvary, the 13th Louisiana Regiment, and are you catching a theme here? California does not have a military while the United States has the United States Marine Corps, US Army, US Navy, and US Air Force. Yes Coast Guard, I left you out intentionally. LOL, California you want to start a Civil War with the United States Military? You and what Army? But wait, it gets better.
Guns, Guns, Guns
While I mock California’s attempt at secession, the talk of Texas doing the same has always worried me a little bit. Why? Guns my friends and if you go to Texas, they got lots of them. But the talk of liberal California who is the full-retard epitome of gun control attempting to take on the rest of America is just laughable. It’s cute even. California has done its best to strip its citizenry of their 2nd Amendment rights and then they want to pick a fight. Please fools, the California landscape is host to a national military infrastructure from San Diego all the way to San Francisco and beyond. The US military could squash a California rebellion by noon and be eating in the chow hall by dinner.
Ladies and gentlemen, the entire 1st Marine Division is in California and I’m thinking it would only take about a 10 man working party to disarm a bunch of hipster separatist from their potato guns because real guns scare them and they couldn’t consciously own one. Moreover the national US military, while certainly having plenty of left leaning persons, has a considerable right slant to their politics. So you are telling me, a battalion of Marines from Texas, Tennessee, Mississippi and South Carolina are going to sit back and watch California secede. Lol, oh the cuteness level is off the charts. I’m talking Puss n Boots madness!
And then, there are the California conservatives of whom there are many although outnumbered, who still have their guns. They are not going anywhere with you unless an earthquake literally drags California into the sea. They still got their guns and they don’t care about your silly laws. Mattresses across California are homes to some of the scariest “assault weapons” you have ever seen folks. If anyone signing this position is following California’s gun laws then the Republic of California doesn’t stand a chance. Lol, California secede from the Union? You and what Army? It’s just darling. Please, if anyone reading this blog supports California secession please tell me how this happens.
Look folks, be it Texas or California, we are stronger as a Union. The world is a nasty place and I’m happy to have fought beside people from all areas of this country and all political leanings. One of my best friends and Marine buddies is a liberal knuckle dragging Commie and I love the guy. Yes, he reads this blog and yes, I’m talking to you bro. We are stronger together regardless of our politics. Sometimes you lose and sometimes you win, but America lives on. Any talk of letting California leave because they are wacky is just foolishness. They are going to stay and we are going to make it so. Marines training in the hills of California.
I am personally not a fan of Trump and that’s been made clear, but I no more call for California’s secession in the wake of Trump than I did for Texas’ secession in the wake of Obama. We are brothers just like my Marine commie buddie. We may argue, but we never leave each other. Again, the world is a nasty place and men like Putin would love nothing more than to see us fragment. In 4 years, you can give your referendum on Trump. But secede from the Union over it, LOL, California stop, your making my stomach hurt, LOL. I’ll leave you with this quote that one of my readers sent me and I think is timely relevant.
What we face is not a liberal or a conservative condition. Personally, I refuse to be defined by my politics because it is not a part of who I am but more a mere rational for how I see the world in the brief period of my present existence. I am more than what I think about 21st century US politics. I’d like to now leave you with the quote. I had never heard of this author before, so if it turns out they eat babies and fry kittens for a living don’t hold it against me. I like the quote itself just plain and simple.
“William: “I’m sure we can all pull together, sir.”
Vetinari: “Oh, I do hope not. Pulling together is the aim of despotism and tyranny. Free men pull in all kinds of directions.”
― Terry Pratchett, “The Truth”
Share with a Friend from California and Like the Unprecedented Mediocrity Page on Facebook Or I’m Seceeding from the Interwebz