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Attention Bundy Militia at the Oregon Standoff: Lady Liberty Wants Her Panties Back

Ammon Bundy leaning in for an unwanted kiss (perhaps) via mashable.com

Ammon Bundy leaning in for an unwanted kiss (perhaps) via mashable.com

LaVoy Finicum of the Bundy clan in the Oregon standoff was probably a decent man. And while I have made my opposition to the Militia tactics in Oregon known full well, I believe them to be more misguided than nefarious.  But LaVoy Finicum was shot and killed by Law Enforcement on Tuesday because he thought Lady Liberty was giving him “the look” when in reality there was no such thing. Men, if you can harken back to your dating days you know the look of which I speak.  It is when at the end of a date that beauty of a girl stares in your eyes for a second, perhaps pinch of the lip, and gives you the non-verbal sign that all systems are a go for a first kiss.  Waiting too late could mean missing out on that magic moment, but there are few disasters worse than going in too soon.  You think you see the look and move in with your mouth ever so slightly open and she pulls back and gives you the pity side hug.  Attention fellow Patriots, those in Oregon, and any who might take the path of LaVoy Finicum:  Lady Liberty and the American people are not giving you “the look!”  Do not move in for a revolutionary kiss, do not pass Go, do not collect $200, and do not fire on law enforcement officials in Oregon conducting their duties.  No one is giving you the look!

What Exactly Does the Look Resemble?

I believe without a shadow of a doubt that the 2nd Amendment exists to put a check on Government.  So yes, there might be a day where Lady Liberty looks over at its Patriots and says we need to do something, but that day is not today!  Losing elections or issues to the dissenting opinion of others doesn’t indicate tyranny.  The Bundy Militia have been in Oregon for almost a month now and despite constant pleadings for human and material support, they have been able to muster at its peak about 100 or so men and a good amount of dildos.  Literally penises everywhere, just watch this militiaman’s angry video rant about it.

It is hard to claim to act on behalf of the American people when you receive more dildos that actual material support. Honestly, it is like Bill Cosby claiming that a girl gave him the look because of the way her eyes twitched while in REM sleep.  If the American people supported the Bundy militia, they would know it.  Often the claim is that only 3% of men actually fought in the American revolution, but that leaves out the fact that they were materially supported by about a third or more of the American public.  But screw it, I’ll give you 3% if you want.  Let’s run the numbers.

There are about 320 million people in America and if you were to gather up 3% of them for a military fighting force you would have 9, 600,000 people.  You have been in Oregon for a month pleading for support and you perhaps had 100 men although many less actually decided to stick around.  But screw it, let’s pretend that you are cloning as we speak and have 500 who stopped twiddling their thumbs and answered you call to action representing about 400% increase.  500 armed Patriots doesn’t make you the new 3%, it makes you the 0.0000015625% who are now the rapist of lady liberty, not her protector.

No Look Equals No Revolution

If you do not have consent, you can’t kiss a lady, and if you do not have the consent of the governed, you cannot overthrow a Government that the governed elected.  The Oregon Sheriff attempting to evict you was elected and has more legitimacy to say he is acting on behalf of the consent of the governed than you.  Who elected you?  Nationally, the people of the United States want no part of your revolution, i.e. more dildos than people.  In Oregon, the state government elected by the consent of the people does not want you there. In that small Oregon town, the people do not want you there.  The Hammond family who was supposed to serve as your inspiration does not want you there. I say it again, no one and I mean no one, is giving you the look.  That below is not the look, that is the I knew I shouldn’t have dated a guy I met on the internet look.

Ammon Bundy Arrested One Dead

But instead of recognizing that you might have gone in too early, you are pushing Lady Liberty inside of her house telling her that she knows she really wants it.  Then you steal her panties on the way out because you claim her panties are the property of the people.  No, she doesn’t, if she did, you would know it. She would show up in Oregon with a beautiful dress on ready for action, but instead she is sending you dildos so that you can go do you know what to yourself and leave Lady Liberty alone.  You have no consent from the American people to do what you are doing and that misguided view cost LaVoy Finicum his life.

Yes, America Will Fight Back

The American public via Government that we elected with our consent will fight back against a revolution that we never asked for.  In your response to Finicum’s death, you stated “Our Government fired up on America today,” and nothing could be further from the truth.  We know what consent looks like and you don’t have it.  Government didn’t fire upon America yesterday, America fired back on the people sliding his hands up Lady Liberty’s dress without her consent.   In 1794, President George Washington himself led troops to crush the Whiskey Rebellion who thought they had the consent of the people and when they realized they didn’t and Washington was coming, they went home.

Bundy Arrested

Washington en route to enforce the consent of the governed on those who thought they had it.

Go home, clean your weapons, and wait for the day when you might truly be needed.  It is not a big deal if you drop it now.  You thought you saw the look and you leaned in for a revolutionary kiss.  America pulled back, offered you a handshake and some dildos if you were truly that desperate.  It’s embarrassing but let’s not make a worse show of this now shall we.  Go home because when the Lady Liberty truly gives us the look, smart patriotic citizens across this country will know it in mass. If you persist, then you are more Bill Cosby than Thomas Jefferson and through the consent of the Governed, our Government will act.  I’m a 2nd amendment loving patriot US Marine Veteran of Iraq and we might get along on a great number of issues, but I do not give you my consent for armed revolution.  I am the 99.99999%, so let me know when you officially at least become the 0.00005% and I’ll mail you some additional dildos so no one has to share.

If You are Not Giving the Bundy Militia to Enforce Revolution on Your Behalf Then Like the Unprecedented Mediocrity Facebook Page Below or George Washington will Come For You!

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Jeff Edwards

6 Comments

  1. The metaphor used throughout this piece is nothing short of brilliant. Jeff, this might be your best one yet, but watch those typos as they can be distracting to the reader…

    Keep up the good work!

      • To me the typos are a very minor irritant. I agree with Jake Wiskerchen however, this could be your best yet. I haven’t read all of your blog posts, but all of the ones I have read have struck a chord of common sense with me that is usually conspicuously absent in many other American political/military centric blogs, Facebook pages, and yes, Gruntworks commenters I do mean some of you. I would still like to congratulate you for publishing a commonsense blog by a veteran, Marine, or otherwise, aimed at veterans and ” normal people ” with viable braincells as well. Although I’m a never served, ” normal ” Brit ( with viable braincells ), with military links ( My Father served on Atlantic and Arctic convoy Royal Navy escorts throughout WW2 ) I would like to figuratively doff my hat to anyone who’s served in whatever capacity in whatever variety of military service, even if it’s for the ” other side “.

        • Thanks Alf, I do appreciate your comments and welcome them from across the pond! Sometimes I can’t keep up with all the comments, but I do my best to read them all. I recognize your comments from prior posts and they add global value to the conversation. Someday I’ll learn how to spell and we can all win from here on out!

  2. Many good points here, but to my knowledge, Harney County Sheriff Ward was not elected, he was appointed to fill the office until Nov 2016, when the next election for the office is held. Previous Sheriff retired early.

    • That’s a good piece of info. Hopefully at least elected officials did the appointing. I always like to see it trace back to the will of the people somehow.

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