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An Open Letter to Luke Skywalker on Gun Control

mark hamill on gun control

So apparently Luke Skywalker is pretty anti-2nd Amendment and just posted an endorsement video for Senate candidate P.G. Sittenfield on the heavy premise of restricting access to guns.  First of all, I’m not calling for a boycott of Star Wars or anything silly like that over this because I actually like Star Wars and the NRA itself couldn’t stop me from seeing the next one.  And let’s be honest, if you boycotted every time an actor said something stupid you would pretty much only have Clint Eastwood movies to watch.  I also realize that his real name is Mark Hamill, but I’m going to call him Luke because this article is a lot more interesting that way.  In fact, since Star Wars is an epic saga that has often been used as a metaphor for many social, political, and human events over the decades, I’m going to do the same here. But first, check out Luke’s endorsement video for context.

In a Reality Far Far Away

Ok, first things first Luke, when did you start talking with a lisp?  I’m not insinuating the sexuality of Luke that has been separately floated in the media lately, but bro you better reign that stuff in before Episode 8 comes around.  I can’t have my Jedi warrior sounding like a sassy Donald Duck when he throws down with Kylo Ren. I have no idea what turned him to the Dark Side, but if I find out its because you took him to the private clergy room in the Jedi Temple for some special “saber” training it’s going to ruin the whole series for me. So let’s hold off on the sass and see if we can’t channel a little more of your father’s deep bass.  Moving on.

Luke Skywalker gun control

Luke, you are quite handy with a light saber although, let’s not forget that time your Dad had teach you a lesson and take away your light saber for about 30 years.  It has always been fascinating to me that the people who would advocate the ban of “assault” weapons as you call them are the ones who don’t use them.  Yes, they can be used for horrific crimes but the last time I checked, when your dad was cutting down younglings in the Temple he wasn’t wielding a blaster.

In 2014, there were 248 murders committed with a rifle of any sort.  However, in that same year 660 were committed unarmed and 1,567 were committed with blades.  That is right, in America you are 6 times more likely to be killed with a light saber and two times more likely to be killed by a force choke than you are with a long blaster.  It is almost as if the danger lies in the person and not the method.  But by all means, lets confiscate Chewie’s blaster while you Jedi get to walk around with death on a stick.

The Rebellion

Without firearms that were the equivalent of what the empire had, the American Republic would never have been able to break free from the British Empire.  At the end of Return of the Jedi, you and your dad were the only two dudes swinging a light saber while the war was really won by firearms.  The duel between you and your dad was cool, but let’s not forget that the Death Star got blown up anyway which would have killed Darth and Palpatine all the same.  The defense of liberty requires an armed public.  You might think it is nonsense to talk of a day where government imposes Tyranny on the citizenry, but tell that to your Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru.

Luke Skywalker Gun Control

The Empire could never completely squash the rebellion because the only place with more firearms than America is that Galaxy far far away in which you live.  They were affordable, pervasive, and common which meant when Palpatine took over he was always going to have a fight on his hands.  Yes, the Empire had walkers, Battle Destroyers, and even clones, but your experience proves that you can’t underestimate the impact of aggressive infantry in a rebellion.  We don’t need tanks to defend liberty, but we certainly need rifles and lots of them.

This election cycle proves that Americans on both the left and right are susceptible to handing over unprecedented powers to government when they are afraid.  Palpatine was elected my friend and so will the tyrant that eventually sets his sights on America one day.  The security of the Republic cannot be completely outsourced to agents of government. When the Emperor ordered the clones to execute “Order 66”, they took out the light saber armed Jedi with an abundance of government owned firearms.

In Conclusion

Mr. Skywalker, America is a large and diverse place much like your galaxy. We have our Hoth like frozen Alaska, our Tatooine-ish deserts of the Southwest, and yes, even our urban Mos Eisley like cesspools where you will in fact find wretched hives of scum and villainy.  But just because Han shot Greedo in a Mos Eisley Cantina doesn’t mean you need to ban the weapons on Hoth or Tatooine that are just part of people’s lives there.  You might think them weird and perverse for wanted such weapons, but they aren’t the ones who made out with their sister. I’m just saying.

starwarskiss

Luke, you are entitled to your opinion and I’ll not ask you to suppress your feelings like the Jedi Council who caused this whole problem because they wouldn’t let your dad get it on with your mom.  In fact, the more I think about it the more I realize this whole Jedi celibacy thing might have been the root of a padawan or two heading to the Dark Side after all.  I have no idea what your role in Episode 8 will be, but I just want you to consider the Republic from which you came and meditate on it wisely.  Oh, and drop the lisp before taking on the Dark Side unless causing the Sith to laugh hysterically is an ancient Jedi mind trick.

If You Think Jedi Should be able to Get it On, Like the Unprecedented Mediocrity Facebook Page below. 

Jeff Edwards

6 Comments

  1. Nice. Still waiting on your take on Apple vs. the FBI for unlocking the terrorist cell phone. Pretty sure I know where you stand on it being a freedom loving, independent patriot. Just would love reading your pontifications on it.

  2. To protect against the government? really? that’s your argument?

    Well when that day comes and you fire your glock against apache helicopters… be sure to post here and tell me how that went..

    • When that day comes and the Government has completely unchecked powers and decides to cart you and your entire immediate family away for a fun weekend of Waterboarding at Guantanamo bay, and you decide to fight back against heavily armed Secret Police using those sweet MMA Moves you saw on TV a few weeks ago, be sure to film it.

    • Who will be flying those apaches? There’s s good chance that s number of them will be oathkeepers flying on the side of the people, not the tyrants’.

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