General Mattis has explicitly said that he would not run for President and as fearful as I am at defying the General, I must do so out of duty. Politics in America have gotten quite strange lately and I’m not going to delve into any partisan reason for it. However, if the notion of being forced to cast a vote for either Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump disheartens you, I might be of some use. Before I went to Iraq, I would often dream of war and 10 times out of 10 when it came time to pull the trigger something odd would happen in my dreams. My finger was too fat to fit in the trigger well or the trigger moved like molasses. But after I actually pulled the trigger as a Marine in Iraq when I now dream of war, I pull the trigger every time all the time. Ladies and gentlemen of America, in November you are about to be forced to pull the trigger for a particular candidate out of a sheer lack of options that might visit you in your worst nightmares to come. Yet, I’m here to argue it doesn’t have to be so because while General Mattis might not be running for President, dissent is ready to roll.
A Voice of Dissent
Once again, General Mattis has explicitly said he does not want to be President, but if I can borrow the words of Marcus Aurelius from Gladiator, that is why it must be him. Despite that desperate cry, I also acknowledge that it will likely not be him. I understand the realities of American politics and yet, this is a rare case where the nature of the electoral college works to our advantage. Let me explain. My home state of Tennessee will vote for the Republican nominee in 2016 if it were Hannibal Lector. Meanwhile, my current state of Washington hasn’t voted for a Republican since 1984. So if your state is a lock for one party or the other and you simply can’t stomach to vote for either, why not cast a unified vote of dissent. And why not let us with one voice make that voice of dissent the man whose radio call sign in war was “Chaos.” Do you ever notice how you can find lots of pictures of this General always carrying his own gear?
If you are in a swing state, I honestly can’t tell you what to do as those decide elections in modern partisan politics and truthfully, if you love Hillary or Trump then do your thing because this is how Democracy works. But for the rest of us in any state who feel lost right now and cannot bring ourselves to cast a vote for either, why not? But more than why not, is it not our duty to tell modern politics that we are less than happy with the babies they have born in 2016. It doesn’t matter who you think that ugly baby to be, whether Democrat or Republican, we can still unify in dissent. The 56 men who signed the Declaration of Independence all had different political leanings as history would demonstrate but they were unified in the belief that the status quo is unacceptable.
The Write-In Dilemma
Believe it or not, there is actually a process of becoming a write-in candidate for President. I’m going to attach a link below and you can see the requirements along with who is currently registered to run for President as a write-in. General Mattis is not there, yet, but take a look at who else is running. Officially running for President with a filed FEC form 2 is none other than Deez Nuts. Seriously, he is candidate 1034 on the list but don’t confuse him with number 1036 candidate, Hold Ma Nutz. Here is the list: http://www.fec.gov/press/resources/2016presidential_form2nm.shtml
If you didn’t read the list, let me give you some quick highlights. Among those officially running for President are Darth Vader, Kim Jong Un, Kylo Ren, Dick Your Mom Pound, Banana Dank Reverend Kush, Obi-Wan Jedi Kenobi, Dr. Jekyll, and last but not least, Dat Ass. I’m sorry, I rarely use profanity on this blog, but I do believe in truth. I would be misleading you if I were not to tell you that in fact, Dat Ass is running for President. Perhaps we can find a better candidate to represent dissent in America.
Am I Here to Amuse You?
When people ask me if I am joking about a General Mattis Presidency, I look at them with my best Joe Pesci eyes and ask them if they feel like I am a clown here to amuse them. The problem with a write-in vote is that it is often split between likes of Darth Vader, Kim Jong Un, and the Antichrist. Yes, the Antichrist is an official candidate. But what if it wasn’t? What if there was a unified voice of dissent that you could actually celebrate and embrace if they won? Sure, we could rally behind Deez Nutz but on the off chance we underestimate America’s sarcastic wit, we might wind up with this guy as President.
Look, I realize it is fanciful dreaming to long for a future with a President James Mattis and I am no fool about that. And yet, if he were to win via a write-in I don’t imagine he would turn it down. Surely he wouldn’t break our hearts like that, would he? But our dissent can always exist in the present here and now, so why not rally that dissent behind the man of which we could only dream in the Oval Office? A dream that was once America and now just seems like a distant memory. I can’t pull the trigger for either of the likely nominees and that is just me, but I can pull it for dissent.
I live in Washington State and I am here to tell you that there will be at least one vote for General Mattis in this state. So what about yours? I pondered staying home like many of you, but active dissent is better than passive. Register to vote, go out in November and cast a vote for the man who doesn’t want the job and only makes us want him more. If you are asked who you are voting for in a poll, say with confidence General Mattis and don’t laugh. When someone tells you that he is not running you can simply reply, “That’s why I’m voting for him.” If you walk into that booth ready to pick the lesser of two evils and then you just can’t do it, write James Mattis. Imagine the reaction in November when the press is forced to acknowledge the votes General Mattis received and with that, dissent will have had its voice. But as for 2016, I’m writing in Mattis, what about you? Spread the word and let’s let dissent have its day at the polls.
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