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4 Tips for the Future of Female Infantry

female infantryLook ladies and gentlemen, it’s probably going to happen at some point.  We live in a society that constantly pushes traditional boundaries and eventually, America gets what America wants. I am not saying I am a fan of female Infantry being a grunt myself. Truthfully, I am not.  I am just saying that sooner or later, it’s probably going to happen. Consequently, since I am certain that Congress, President Obama, and the Department of Defense regularly read Unprecedented Mediocrity, I would like to offer the follow guide to the future of female Infantry. I’m not going to get into all the bathroom or sex issues. I am just going to speak to potential female infantry candidates.  Still though, candidates, you better learn to poop anywhere.  Let’s move on.

Don’t be the One

Namely, don’t be the one to lower the infantry standards.  Recently there has been some news about more female Marines being dropped from the Infantry Officers course.  This makes female Marine 0-29 or something for passing the course and has led some to start suggestion that the standards for a female Infantry candidate should potentially be lowered.  So to the ladies seeking out a career in Infantry, let me just suggest that may it never be so. Don’t be the one that lowers the standards just to gain admittance to an elite class of warriors.  Trust me, you won’t respect yourself in the morning.

You see, here is the truth.  Grunts hate those who can’t hack it regardless of their genitalia.  I am not saying we hate out of shape people.  We just hate people in the Infantry who can’t pull their weight.  Trust me, there are plenty of male Infantryman who catch 4 shades of Hades because they drop out of humps and cause gear to be shifted to other Marines.  There is no respect or place for that in the Infantry.  It doesn’t matter whether you are fat male or an in shape female doing her best.  Grunts carry heavy stuff all the time and they usually have to do it when they are most exhausted and worn. Screw doing 20 pull ups in a gym.  If you can’t pull your body weight up after a 3 hour foot patrol in the hot Iraqi sun, then you are a burden. Don’t be the one ladies.  If you earn it, you better earn the same way every man does or you will be treated just like the man who is a burden. That’s Grunt Life.

Earmuffs

Namely, wear them if you are easily offended.  Now, truth be told, I think female Marines are awesome.  They operate with excellence and if they have spent any time in the Marines, they have thick skin. The military is not for the sensitive, regardless of your MOS.  See my article, A POG by Any Other Name.  However, you simply can’t operate in the infantry and be easily offended. Why, because the field conversation is something else. You see, in the field is where Grunts feel at home.  It mimics to some degree the deployment which is in truth, a whole lot of sitting around. And when Grunts start sitting around, they start talking about anything from physics to the most depraved topic imaginable.

WW2 Temptress

The military and the grunt life is a brotherhood.  Consequently, nothing is off limits among brothers.  Whether it is your race, religion, ugly girlfriend, or just the stupid stuff you say, it is all fair game for banter and you have to be able to take it as well as give it.  It’s a dog eat dog world out there. And if your sisterhood joins our brotherhood, well it’s fair game ladies.  Some progressive elitist might be appalled and claim we need a more dignified and proper class of Grunts.  Well, I say tell that to the terrorist horde when they are raping and pillaging your home after your more dignified military cries and runs home at the first sight of combat.  It’s grunt life people and it keeps you safe at night.

Protect the Reputation

Occasionally online, you will see persons who claim to be a Marine despite the fact that they were a Medical drop out of bootcamp. I am sorry potential devil pups, but that is just not how it works.  To give you the title without fully earning it demeans us all.  I am not saying you’re a bad person. I am just saying you are not a Marine. If you got med dropped from boot camp I feel bad for you son, Marines got 99 problems and you ain’t one.

You see, people care about the standards for things that are important to them. If any progressive elitist challenge that notion, then I say you lower the standards to let me manage your retirement account or operate on your brain aneurism.  People care about the standards that matter to them and I would like the whole world to know that the Infantry matters to Grunts. This is true whether you are Army or Marine. It’s why the military hates seeing fat people in Uniform.  It hurts the reputation. I served in Iraq in 2003 with the Marine Corps as a Grunt and I was nothing special.  However, I resolved myself to one thing, that the reputation of the Marine Corps was not going to suffer for my presence.  Ladies, if you get the title, then protect the reputation that comes with it as it was forged long before any of us arrive.

Protect Yourself

Namely, crucify any Marine would sexually assault you.  You see, as much as I am a Marine, I am a father to two girls and I would personally skin Chesty Puller and General Mattis alive if anyone of them forced themselves on my daughters.  We know that sexual assault is an issue in some areas of the military and when women finally break the infantry barrier there might be some expectation among some they are supposed to play it cool and not report certain things. May it never be.

ww2-join-american-red-cross-1942-poster-military

Whether you are a grunt or just a female POG, if you are willing to sacrifice your life in defense of this nation then you owe nothing else to anyone.  If some piece of trash forces otherwise, then submit them to the full punishment allowable.  I told you about earmuffs.  Sorry ladies, if you join the grunts you are going to have to hear some things.  That is grunt life.  However, no one puts their hands on you.  I was a male and I wouldn’t let anyone rape me so there is no reason for you to do the same. This is true now and in the future.

Conclusion

So in conclusion, those are my 4 tips.  As a father to girls, I have challenged a lot of my pre-conceived notions and I don’t like the idea of certain industries being off limits to my daughters.  That being said, I don’t want Grunt Life for my daughters.  I know what it means and I’ll take a pass on it for them if I have any say in the matter. I hope my daughters embody many of the characteristics, but just not the life. That is just my view, take it or leave it. However, as often is the case, women will break the threshold if not this decade in the decades to come. So when you do it, just do it right. Don’t accept a lower standard and when you get there, put on your mental earmuffs, protect the reputation and yourself. Don’t let a progressive elitist tell you that we need loosen the hinges on the door.  Kick in the same door with all your might as your male counterparts.  For if you don’t, you will be treated just like a man when you arrive.  That is, a man that can’t hack it.  Yes they exist.  After all, its Grunt Life.

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Jeff Edwards

5 Comments

  1. Nicely written!
    An unwillingly dropped anchor at an unwilling time generally leads to a bad situation. If you can’t dig it, get out of the way! That’s coming from a MoM… (mother of a marine).

  2. “I was a male and I wouldn’t let anyone rape me so there is no reason for you to do the same.” I’m sure you’re aware of this, but no one – male or female – just allows themselves to get raped. It’s a force issue. You probably didn’t mean it that way, but the way it reads is a bit insulting to rape victims – like, if they had been stronger or tougher they wouldn’t have let it happen. I don’t think that’s what you meant, but just sayin… you stand for the proposition that women (or men) that are raped should report it. That is good and should happen, but it’s probably at least 1000x easier said than done. Many times, a victim truly has less to gain and more to lose by speaking out. Sad but true.

    • Great feed back Rachel. your are right, that is not what I meant to convey. For one, I am indeed still a male! that reads funny when i read that back. However, yes, the point was that no one should accept it or resign themselves to it. I did want to encourage anyone who had experienced to report it if possible and not accept what was done. Thanks for pointing that out to me.

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